Chronically Well

When struck down with a chronic illness, either suddenly or gradually your life completely changes. Things you used to enjoy doing - you no longer have the energy or ability to do. If you do manage to do them your body can suffer for days afterwards at the exertion it takes to do them.

People in your life start to treat you differently. Sometimes they disappear altogether - not knowing how to cope with you having to live life differently. They don't know what to say or how to act. Sometimes they are frightened by the emotions they experience seeing the changes and they find it easier to keep their distance. Others try to mother you - when all you want is for them to treat you the same way they always have.

Others - angels I call them - stand by you no matter what and seem to have an innate ability to know what your limits are and help you to keep to them. They accept you as you are now. Some you need to let them know what you need and how they can help, but more on that later.

KEYS TO A WELL LIFE:

What is being well?

To me it starts with Acceptance and Surrender - not resignation - but accepting exactly how things are - acknowledging your pain: physical, mental and emotional - listening to what it is telling you, but not letting it define you. It's surrendering all your past desires and ambitions and finding what you're left with is who you truly are and what you truly want to do.....It's grieving fully for those losses and through that process making space for what your true self wants.

Acceptance and Surrender

How on earth does someone learn to accept it when their body and/or mind no longer function the way it used to? Does acceptance mean resignation to your fate? That you will never get better? In a word, no. Acceptance is more about letting go of resistance. Resistance stresses an already stressed body. Resistance creates fight or flight mode in the survival part of your brain - raising cortisol levels in the body which is not conducive to healing. Acceptance is recognising where you are now. Not where you were, should be or want to be.....it's about now. It's how you feel now, how you manage now.

Imagine you are on one end of a tug-of-war game. You are resisting the other team, trying to force them over the line. How does that feel? Is your heart rate high? Are your thoughts shouting at you? How does your stomach feel? Is your breathing shallow? These experiences are ok for short periods of time - your body is designed to manage these situations for a short burst. But long-term? Continually feeling this way can have drastic effects on your health.

Now imagine both teams suddenly stopping, letting go, releasing. How do your arms feel now? How's your breathing? Do you feel lighter suddenly? It's a sense of surrender, like when you lay back in a pool and float. Your body and mind become more calm, more relaxed and your breathing deepens.

Take time to breathe. That is the first and most vital step. Breathe deeply. Whether you are unable to get out of bed or can take a gentle walk, breathing deeply can change so much. Start with that and notice how your body and mind feel.

Learn to be still. There is strength and power in a still mind and body. Listen to relaxation CD's or nature music to help calm your mind.

Listen to how you talk to yourself. What do you say about your body? Your life? Those around you? It is understandable to feel angry and frustrated. Watch as those thoughts go across the screen of your mind, just being aware of them and how they affect you is also a good start.

Compassion

I used to think the saying 'charity begins at home' was about looking after your family and neighbours first. However, since being ill I have realised that it starts even closer than that. Be charitable to yourself - be compassionate to your body as it struggles, be kind to your mind as it tries to process the changes overwhelming you.

As you watch the thoughts you have drift across your mind, add a few different ones in. Thank your body for telling you what it needs; thank it for warning you that you're pushing it too far. Learn to listen to your body. We are often taught to push through pain, to be stoic, and to ignore pain. Being ill teaches you to listen to what your body is telling you, so it no longer has to yell at you by causing you more pain and symptoms.

It may feel strange to talk to your body this way, but as you practise compassion more often you will find both your body and mind respond positively to it. And it becomes more natural - the kinder thoughts become more 'normal' than the critical ones.

Be compassionate to those around you who are struggling with the changes you are going through. Communicate clearly to them what is going on, ask for help when you need it and be clear what that help is. Accept that they may not be able to live up to your expectations. Release them if they feel they can't be there for you and be open to others who may just surprise you.

Gratitude

As you follow this process, you may find you are able to find small things to be grateful for. I found I was grateful for the time I had to ponder my life and re-frame it in a more beautiful way. I became grateful for the peace and quiet I had whilst in my sick bed. I was grateful for the hour I was able to manage to read, or the feel of the sea breeze wafting in through the window. I used it as a game to keep my spirits up - what can I be grateful for at this moment? Start small - you will be amazed how quickly your gratitude muscle starts to strengthen.

Gratitude has become a friend to me, keeping me sane and open to the wonder of the simplest things. The ordinary is really quite profound when you take the time to be still and grateful.

Connection

Find someway to connect with others. The internet has revolutionised our world - and no more so than for those stuck at home. There are many fantastic support groups online where you can share your experiences and realise you are not alone. Finding others with similar lifestyles can enhance your life and bring emotional intimacy to you, helping you to not feel so cut off from the world.

If you are fortunate enough to have a pet, they are wonderful to help you to focus on the here and now. My cat never ceases to put a smile on my face. On days when I am unable to move much I can lie there watching her focused on playing with a toy and her energy and playfulness entrances me.

Let those who want to spend time with you know what you are able to manage each day or week. If you find talking on the phone too difficult, suggest that you email each other. Or that they pop in in the morning for a specified amount of time that works for you. Others appreciate boundaries and guidelines so they don't have to worry about you over exerting yourself.

Creativity

Expressing yourself creatively can be like taking yourself to another world. As you are engrossed in a project, it can help to take the focus off how much pain you are in. Try anything: writing a story, drawing, sewing, woodwork, painting. It doesn't matter if you are good at something or know what you are doing. Just try something. Time will take on a new dimension.

As I have practised acceptance, compassion, gratitude and connection I have experienced an out pouring of creativity. It's like being ill has stripped away all the masks I wore and I am left with the essential me - and out of that I am being who I really am, and a sense of freedom despite the limitations of an illness.

And Finally...

Let the process take care of itself. You are not your illness. You are a magnificent being - a human being - not a human doing. It doesn't matter what you do. Enjoy just being. Listen to what the journey is teaching you. Allow it to show you who you really are.

Be well.

© Rebecca Saunders